V-Day

Well the day has come and past. I had my vasectomy performed on Thursday June 22 at approximately 1:45pm. It's now midnight on Saturday June 24 and I'm glad to say that everything seems to be healing fine. I'm not ready to go and play volleyball, but I think I can switch the athletic support for regular briefs for the next few days.

I had my vasectomy performed by Dr Weiss. I spoke to a few guys that had it done and they were all snipped by Dr Weiss so that's why I decided to go with him.

First of all, if any of you are reading this because you are thinking of putting a cap on your family, I'll give you a tip. Don't buy the kit that is offered at the office. It contains a dry shaver that is supposed to magically shave you without soap or water. It does... but it also mangles your privates! Trust me... just take a fresh disposable razor and lather up in the shower and go nuts... literally! ha. The kit also contains a bunch of gauze pads which you won't need because you'll want to opt for the glue on your incision. They inform you before the procedure that for $40 the doctor can apply a glue to your incision which allows you to shower immediately when you get home. The alternative is to have a wound leaking into gauze pads in your underwear for a few days. The kit also contains an athletic support, a gel pack to ice yourself which you probably already have in your feezer. A bag of frozen peas will do the trick. Oh yeah, and it had 2 specimen containers that you use for testing 12 weeks after the procedure. Save the $40 on the kit and spend it on the glue!

One other thing I forgot to mention was that I had been given a prescription for 1 valium to take an hour before the procedure. Well I lost my prescription and phoned the office the night before and left a message asking if that was a big deal. No one ever called back so I never took the pill. I don't know how much the prescription for 1 valium would cost, but if you're not anxious about the procedure then I wouldn't bother with that either.

Back to the procedure. you're supposed to show up 15 minutes early, the procedure takes 15 minutes and then you have to wait 15 minutes in the lobby to make sure everything's ok. Well I showed up 25 minutes early and he took me right away. There was no wasting time. It was basically, "Hi, did you wear your athletic support?". To which I answered, "Yes."
Then it was, "Ok, drop your shorts and athletic support to your knees and lie on the table."

One thing that was never mentioned in the brochure was how he snaps a rubber band around your knob with a piece of rubber tubing attached to it. Then he clamps it to your shirt so that your weiner is held firmly in position. Old one-eye looking right up at you. Then comes the warm iodine bath and scrubing. I was told that it was warmed to loosen things up. Meanwhile there's soothing music playing in the background and I'm staring at a poster on the ceiling which is a picture taken by someone laying on the ground and looking up at some huge trees. Must be cool if you took the valium.

Now it's time for the freezing. I remember reading on the site how they don't use a needle for that anymore. Here's a little clip from his website:

Using a special no-needle 'freezing' technique called jet injection, the doctor numbs the area. This method of local anaesthesia, or freezing, works with air pressure and does not require a needle. The sensation is like a little pop, not unlike a small rubber band against the skin.

What he fails to mention is that the little pop is followed by a nasty burning sensation. My description would be that it feels like he's putting out matches on your nuts! It also fails to tell you that the little pop is performed 3 times on each side of the scrotum! Thankfully, the "acid on my balls" feeling went away pretty quick (I'm guessing it was less than a minute).

I might have felt a slight pinch or two after that, but in my opinion all the pain happens during the freezing. The rest was nothing. It was weird to see little wafts of smoke coming up from my scrotum (when he was cauterizing the vas deferens), but I didn't feel it.

Here's another interesting bit I from his site:

One of the ends is then tucked back into its sleeve, or sheath, which is then closed with a tiny titanium clip. The clip remains there for the rest of your life and does not pose a health hazard.

You know that in a week or two I'll be trying to find those clips! He has an FAQ and someone asked if the clips set off the metal detectors at airports. The answer is no :)
My question is, now that I have titanium in my balls will it improve my golf game?

When he's all done the glue is applied. I want that job. $40 to dab some glue on a tiny cut. I figure I can do that at least 5 times a minute. That works out to $9,600/hour. Sweet!

Here's one suggestion. It would be nice if he gave us a wet wipe to clean up some of that iodine before pulling up the athletic support and pants/shorts. That smells nasty when you go to the washroom later in the day.

After a 15 minute wait in the lobby I was paying $40 for my glue and walking out the door. Unfortunately for me, Trish thought she still had 25 minutes to wait so she had just left to bring the kids for a sundae at McDonalds and I had a long wait until she came back. At least she had a sundae for me. I didn't know if I should eat it or put it between my legs, so I did both.

My next indignity will be to make love to one of those specimen jars in 12 weeks so they can test if my boys are still swimming. I'll cross that bridge when I get there!

Stay tuned :)